what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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