Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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