OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
