its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You are a genius and a whore.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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