its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
