did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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