Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
