I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
