Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
