girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
