Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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