well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
