if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Bring me that man meat
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
