Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Houston, we have a squirter
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
