i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
