He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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