So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
