'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
