Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I've blown a few things in my day
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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