Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
