i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
