I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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