he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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