Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
