Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
ugly people sure do ruin things
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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