I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
