all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
