I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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