Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
