I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
