I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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