note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
