the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
