these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
