sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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