I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
