Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
