thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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