the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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