are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
