I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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