There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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