Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
