you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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