When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
