His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
