Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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