dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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