There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
