Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
