in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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