Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
