you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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