i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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