We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
