Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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