The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
