Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
