I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
