how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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