I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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