But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
