seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
