Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
