If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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