I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
