Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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