i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
my sisters under your porch take her home
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
