I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
