I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
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