Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
