his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
