i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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