I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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