so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
