Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
