Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
