my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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