is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Drunk is not a location!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
